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Life Begins at 80
For many older adults, the key to long life is as simple as: keep moving
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Business New Haven
9/29/2003
By: BNH
Mimi Houston
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If it’s a warm day with a stiffening offshore breeze, you can bet Stanley and Trudy Barnes, lifelong (almost) residents of Guilford, are taking advantage of another "great weather for a sail" day. This season was late, they say, hampered by all that wet weather in the spring and early summer. But once it was finally underway, they hit the familiar waters of Long Island Sound again — just as they’ve done every summer for more than six decades.
The Barnes, who met each other while at their families’ summer vacation homes back when Trudy Barnes was still a teenager, recently celebrated their 62nd wedding anniversary. The Barnes swim daily in Long Island Sound — for a longer season than far younger beachgoers—and have been to local residents, a fixture along the coastline in their familiar blue and white sailboat.
"I think we’re lucky that we live here, by the water," says Barnes. "There is freedom in sailing. If things get too hard — you take the boat out."
Barnes says making it into his early 80s just may be due in part to that freedom. Not only does it help to relieve stress, it’s a great way to stay physically active, two good points in the "how to live longer" column.
"You know, you have to ask how much of a role does genetics play," responds Barnes to the question of how does one get to one’s 80s. "I think a lot. And the older I get the more I really know this."
But both Barnes also know the importance of maintaining an active mind and appointment schedule — both things you can have far more control over.
"I do the [New York] Times and Register crossword puzzles every day," he allows, "and Trudy has her bridge group that meets three afternoons a week."
But he also acknowledges that once you reach a certain age, you don’t need to do things exactly as you did before.
"You don’t have to do them fast," he smiles. "You know, years ago I was able to keep two, three projects going at once. Today I concentrate on one at a time. So you simplify. Simplify, simplify."
On any given day, however, there is no lack of what to concentrate on. Barnes currently writes a column for each issue of the weekly Guilford Courier, entitled "Random Recollections," relating the way things were to residents both old and new. And once a week he drives those no longer able to their doctors’ appointments.
"Never retire from something," he advises, explaining his insistence to continue in the workforce. "You ought to be able to do more than just the thing you selected. Always retire to something else."
He also says that it helps that the two of them are former teachers, and he a former principal and selectman as well.
"I’ve had some of the best encounters with former pupils," recalls Trudy Barnes. "For instance, I recently got a delightful letter from a student who is the son of a librarian I know. There is a certain continuity about the kids growing up and keeping in touch with them."
"It’s like an extended family," offers Stanley Barnes. "And it’s great when they recognize you and have happy memories."
Counting happy memories is something the Barnes and many others who have been fortunate to reach their 80s, would call essential in avoiding one of aging’s most prevalent pitfalls: depression.
"Depression is very common," says Sydney Bogardis, assistant director of the Adler Center in New Haven, an outpatient geriatric-assessment center that provides physical, mental and emotional care and resources to patients and their families. The center has been in existence for more than 20 years, and is affiliated with Yale-New Haven Hospital.
Depression is "common among all age groups," Bogardis notes, "but also among the elderly. It’s often a case of the less you do, the less you’re able to do. But there’s no reason to view it as an inevitable part of getting old. It is treatable."
Bogardis says advancements in medicine are making even the most frustrating diseases of aging, such as Alzheimer’s, more treatable. And with more of us making it into our 80s, that’s good news.
"We have to realize that nothing lasts forever," he continues, of ever-lengthening life spans. "But we’re working with better anti-depressants, better treatments for arthritis, and programs of exercise and nutrition.
"There is lot of advancement, and an enormous amount of work going on with Alzheimer’s, and we’ll eventually have, within five to ten years, effective treatments available to us. There is also a new medicine that will be approved either later this year or early next year. It’s not a miracle drug, by any means, but it will provide advancements."
"But what counters that? It’s the fact that taking care of older patients takes a lot time. There is a lot of educating, counseling and help in finding the services that are needed, and insurance doesn’t always want to pay for the time that is needed."
Indeed, Bogardis has opened up the age-old problem of how will we as a society afford to pay for the high cost of elder care, but with a twist.
"It’s a little bit of a myth that older people cost more money," he reveals, breaking a hole in the insurance world’s claim.
"As they live longer," he goes on, "they have more functional years. An older person who dies sooner will cost the same as an old person who lives longer. There is a cost increase, but it’s not because that person lived longer, it’s because the population of old people is greater."
And Bogardis says in the future that sector of the nation’s population promises to get even larger.
"There are a lot of advanced medical treatments of heart problems," he says. "One example of that is the treatment of heart attacks. We definitely do have more old people now than we did a generation ago because of that. And now the baby boomers are coming — and that’s a whole lot of population."
But chronological age is only half the battle. Bogardis says one of the most rewarding parts of his work comes in knowing he’s extending the quality of patient’s lives, and not just the quantity of years they will live. Proof of that comes when you happen to drop in on your town’s senior center for a first-hand look at what today’s seniors are doing.
"We have people here in their 90s," exclaims Marjorie Bergen, manager of the Senior Center in North Haven. "And we offer all forms of exercise, from gentle chair all the way to aerobics. We’ve got late seniors, those in their 80s, tap dancing. One gal started at 88."
Bergen says she sees octogenarians in jazz dance classes, playing bocce, singing and doing the especially popular newest offering — tai chi.
"What I’m seeing today," offers Bergen, "is that there are more things available to those in their 60s and 70s. They start earlier, so that when they hit the 80s, they’re doing fine."
Bergen also says she’s happy to see senior centers in general shedding their stigma.
"It used to be that people went to a senior center when there was nowhere else for them to go," she explains. "People would say ‘I’m not going to that place — that’s for old people.’
"People really thought there were just a bunch of old people sitting around in corners waiting for lunch."
Bergen says the center also offers health and nutrition lectures for those interested in addition to various classes. In fact, seniors in North Haven really don’t have time for sitting (unless they really want to) because if they’re not singing or dancing the day away, there’s real work to be done.
"We’re very involved with the school system here," Bergen says. "We look to them as a resource, and they look to us. We work with very young kids in day care all through the high school levels."
And while the traditional roles certainly form the staple of their relationship — seniors helping students — Bergen says the mentor role sometimes makes a switch.
"We’ve got the kids in school helping our seniors learn about computers."
Bergen says one of the most powerful ways the senior center gets the word out to the general public is through its periodic brush with the stage.
"Every 18 months we have a two-hour dance revue at the high school," she boasts. "And I’m really proud to say that last year we sold the auditorium out. One thousand people showed up."
Bergen says she is certain the bonds formed with fellow seniors and the youngest of students they help with schoolwork, together with the indisputable benefits of regular exercise help keep her seniors fit both mentally and physically.
"You know, taking the dance classes help their memory," she explains, "because they have to remember their steps. They’re exercising, so they’re not as depressed. They have a better outlook. And we have real relationships forming with the kids. I know one little girl, especially, who runs to and throws her arms around one of our seniors."
If Sydney Bogardis witnessed such a scene, he’d have to count it as one very important ingredient to a happier, healthier and longer life.
"If I wanted to live into my eighties," he reveals, "I’d personally do the following: Stay physically active all the way through, think about my diet and the benefits to eating lots of fresh fruits and veggies and lower amounts of saturated fats, I wouldn’t smoke, and I’d make sure I was regularly checked for high blood pressure, diabetes and high cholesterol.
"But another major part of it is staying mentally and socially active," he insists. "Staying engaged as much as possible."
And while we’re on the subject of engagement, any words of advice on how to stay happily married while traveling down the road of life from our sailing couple who’ve just marked their 62nd anniversary?
"You have to work at it," smiles Trudy Barnes. "You sure do. And there are times when you’ll still misunderstand each other, and there will still be a lot you don’t know about each other. But I think that’s good. There are a lot of different ways to do it. There’s no formula for it, at least I really don’t think there is."
"Well, it helps if you’ve married a friend," adds Stanley Barnes. "So much of married life involves friendship."
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